


Emotional Anorexic

by eliah



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Atsumu is an amazing boyfriend, Couch Cuddles, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentions to Osamu, Minor Angst, SakuAtsu Fluff Week 2021, Sakusa Needs a Hug, perfection is overrated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29557761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eliah/pseuds/eliah
Summary: Atsumu was right, loving is about understanding a person's imperfections and yet decide to stay with them. Loving is also a silent journey home, breakfast in bed, conversation in the bathroom, hugs under a blanket on a rainy day, delicate kisses on the tip of the nose. That day, Atsumu woke up and chose to love him, Kiyoomi was grateful to be able to love him back.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 46





	Emotional Anorexic

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, Hi! This is my contribution to the SakuAtsu Fluff Week. The "plot" of this one-shot came out of nowhere while I was listening to a song, I made a threadfic but I felt like detailing it more.  
> Please, forgive me for any mistakes, English is not my first language. Hope you enjoy it!

Kiyoomi woke up with smooth fingers sliding through his hair. He opened his eyes slowly, finding Atsumu kneeling on the floor beside the bed. 

"Good Mornin'!" - The blonde leaned over placing a kiss on the tip of his nose. 

"Good Morning." - Kiyoomi grunted still sleepy and Atsumu smiled. 

"Wait here, I'll be right back." - He said getting up and walking towards the door. 

Atsumu wore only a pair of black sweatpants, the muscles in his back seemed particularly more attractive that morning, perhaps because of the marks resulting from the night before. 

"What time is it?"

"Half-past eleven." - Atsumu replied from the hall.

Sakusa rubbed his eyes while sitting, he always slept too much when he was in his boyfriend's bed. 

He looked around the room, there was a basket on the floor with some folded clothes that he supposed Atsumu had washed very early in the morning, one of the curtains was pulled away revealing a window covered with drops of water. He couldn't tell if it was still raining or if it was remnants of earlier moments, however, the room wasn't cold. 

Kiyoomi stood up walking to the bathroom in the room and stared at his reflection in the mirror while brushing his teeth, feeling a wave of insecurity suddenly filling his chest. 

Sakusa doesn't feel attractive. 

He always heard from people that he was weird, especially in high school. Kiyoomi was never a big fan of crowds and human contacts, but teenagers don't seem to understand the concept of personal space. Besides, puberty is a complicated phase; one day he was the same height as all the other children, he could mix and disappear into the crowd whenever he wanted; the other day he could look over the heads of most people in his class. It was not a useful attribute for anyone who wanted to go unnoticed.

So, when Miya Atsumu, Black Jackal's setter, says he is interested in him, Kiyoomi thinks it's a joke. It would make sense, right? They barely interacted outside practice and he acknowledged that he had been too rude to the boy at times. 

_"C'mon, Omi-Kun! Do you always gotta be all prickly 'bout everything? What are you, a sea urchin?"_ He could hear Atsumu's voice repeating the words. 

Despite this, his blunt, subdued personality did not seem to affect the man. Miya was determined and this was nothing new for anyone, especially Sakusa. 

When they started going out on dates, Kiyoomi began to pay more attention to Atsumu's details. How he never touched him, respecting his space - despite having a habit of leaning on the shoulders of teammates while talking -, how his eyes curved in small moons when he laughed, how he always smiled when he answered a message from his brother, and how his hair looked so thin that the strands fell over his forehead while he talked excitedly about something. 

Eventually, they started dating. It was hard not to fall in love with Atsumu and as much as Kiyoomi never admitted it, he loved every second they spent together. He liked the feeling of comfort that only the boy's presence carried, enjoyed the quiet car rides to home after a long day of training, and the smell of Atsumu's shampoo that stayed on the pillow when he spent the night in his apartment.

Still, intrusive thoughts always insisted on showing up and disrupting those moments. Things like "he's too handsome for you", "seven years since high school, and you're still weird". Kiyoomi knew that Atsumu loved him, but then why did he feel so insecure? 

He splashed water on his face trying to ward off thoughts and walked back to the room, finding Atsumu organizing a tray of food on the bed. 

"Did you do all of this?" 

“Yup. I was surprised that ya didn't wake up when I dropped some plates. It seems that ya were too exhausted from last night, Omi-Omi. ” - he replied provocatively and Kiyoomi had to contain the urge to throw the nearest object in the direction of the man. 

It was not the first time that Atsumu prepared breakfast and took it to bed, still, Kiyoomi could not contain the shyness, he felt his cheeks burn. 

"So, do you want to finish watching that episode from yesterday?" - Atsumu turned on the bedroom television, putting it on Netflix. 

Kiyoomi nodded, walking over to the bed. On the tray of food Atsumu had brought there were rice, natto, fried egg, tofu, and miso. Everything looked incredibly tasty and the smell was taking over every inch of the room, Kiyoomi hadn't realized until then how hungry he was. 

Atsumu pressed the button on the remote control, resuming the episode from the minute they had stopped. They were watching a series about unsolved mysteries on Netflix. When the blonde suggested it, Sakusa thought "why would I watch something that will only disturb me for not knowing the solution?" but he had to admit that it was fun to think and debate theories with Atsumu at the end of each episode.

"I think it was her husband." - he said when the credits appeared on the screen. - “I don't know, but there's something about him that looks suspicious. It is as if he already had all the alibis ready to use if he needed it. "

"I know! Also, sleeping with her ashes like a teddy bear? ” - Atsumu made an expression of disgust to paraphrase the man's statement. - “Too weird. Would ya sleep with my ashes? ” 

"What?! Of course not. That's disgusting." 

Atsumu laughed, rising from the bed with the empty plates in his hands. 

"Just a sec." - he said placing a kiss between the curls of the other one.

Kiyoomi sighed, he wouldn't mind starting every day of his life like that. Falling in love was not exactly something he had planned, having a relationship much less. But some things are simply out of control and at that moment, he was happy with what they had. 

Atsumu returned a few minutes later with a small pot in one hand and raised the other towards Kiyoomi, inviting him and guiding him to the bathroom afterward. 

"What is it?" - Kiyoomi took the pot analyzing the contents. 

"Homemade hair mask." - Atsumu explained while taking some candles from the bathroom cabinet and placing them at the foot of the bathtub. - “I saw some videos about curly hair care and everyone always said that aloe is good. These days I was coming home and saw a garden with several of them, I asked the lady for some leaves and she gave it to me without any problem.” - He continued while opening the faucet, letting the bath fill with water. - “It's very easy to make, you just need to remove the gel from inside the leaves and mix it with some other hair mask. Ah! I also heard that coconut oil is good, but I didn't find any on the market. ” 

Kiyoomi blinked a few times, absorbing the information. Atsumu was watching videos about curly hair care and homemade hair mask recipes? 

"Why are you doing this, Atsu?"

"Because it's good for your hair." 

"No. I'm talking about breakfast in bed, bathtub, homemade hair mask, candles. All of this. Is it my birthday?"

"No." - Atsumu laughed. 

Fuck. 

"Is it our anniversary?" 

"Don't ya remember the date that we started dating?" - Atsumu provoked and Kiyoomi sighed in frustration. - "It's not our birthday."

"You are not sick, are you?"

"I am not dying, Omi-kun!" - Atsumu says laughing - "What is it so weird that I want to please my boyfriend?" 

Kiyoomi was silent and Atsumu approached him, cupping his face in his hands with a serene smile. 

“You can be cold and difficult to read whenever ya want, but your eyes are very expressive. I know somethin' is upsetting ya. What, I don't know and you don't have to tell me if you don't feel comfortable. I just want to make ya feel better today.” 

Sakusa was speechless, he almost felt like crying. He thought he was being discreet but Atsumu knew him well enough to notice small changes in his behavior. 

"Thanks." - that's all he managed to say. 

“No problem, Omi. Let's start!" he said excitedly. 

Atsumu sat on the floor, patting the place in front of him so that Kiyomi would join him. Sitting on the floor of a bathroom would generally cause him disgust, but he knew the place was clean. It smelled like cleaning products, Atsumu's shampoo, and cherry, from the scented candles that were burning. 

Atsumu began to put the product between Kiyoomi's curls - his touch soft as always - it smelled different but it wasn't bad. After that, he asked Kiyoomi to help him discolor the root of his hair that was starting to stand out. 

Time passes too quickly when they are together, Kiyoomi concluded. It was easy to talk to Atsumu, to get distracted, almost as if he were taken to a reality where only the two of them existed. They only realized that they were in the bathroom for too long when the water in the bathtub was cold and their fingertips were wrinkled. 

The rain had returned and the temperature seemed to have dropped to minus degrees. Perfect weather to spend the rest of the afternoon wrapped in a blanket on the living room sofa, watching the rest of the episodes about unsolved crimes and drinking the hot chocolate that Sakusa had made. 

“And there was a time in elementary school that my baby tooth was almost falling. Samu and I were arguing 'bout something and he threw a ball in my face; the tooth fell out! Then my mouth filled with blood and I pretended I was cryin'. He was desperate because he didn't know about the tooth." - Atsumu laughed remembering the scene. - "I only stopped crying when he promised that he would give me all his puddings for a week." 

Atsumu was lying with his head on Kiyoomi's thighs, who rested his feet on the center table of the room while sliding his fingers between the blonde's hair. 

"You're awful." - Sakusa straightened up on the couch looking for a more comfortable position since his legs were starting to fall asleep.

“No, no, no! He pulled my tooth out with a volley ball. ” 

"You said it was almost falling." 

"Anyways! Samu was always strong, he could have broken my nose.” - he protested and Sakusa smiled noticing how his nose and forehead crinkle when he pouts. - "I am hungry." 

Kiyoomi looked at the clock on the wall, it was 8 pm. 

"What do you want to order?" - He leaned over to pick up his phone. 

"Nothing. I have something planned." - Atsumu stood up, pulling the man by the hand towards the kitchen. - "I asked Samu to teach me a recipe." - He said while opening the refrigerator picking up the ingredients. - "Ochazuke with Umeboshi, Shirasu, and Takana." 

Kiyoomi clearly remembered the time he ate Ochazuke at Onigiri Miya, it was probably one of the best he has ever tasted. 

"Do you want help?" 

“Sure! You can cut the Takana, Shirasu, and Umeboshi while I prepare the rice and tea. ” - he said while washing his hands. Kiyoomi nodded. 

Atsumu explained that it was not a complex recipe, but it could be tricky because it was very easy to miss the point of rice or make it too salty, mainly because of Umeboshi. He told Sakusa how Osamu had visited him almost every day of the week, complaining about each detail of the recipe until it was at the perfect point, according to his opinion. 

Sakusa never ceased to be amazed at how Hōjicha, rice, and umê combined perfectly as if they were meant to be tasted together. 

Atsumu seemed proud of the food they cooked, and he should, Ochazuke tasted incredible. 

"So, was it better than Samu's?" - Atsumu asked putting the cutlery in the counter drawer. 

"A thousand times better." - Kiyoomi said while wiping the sink. 

Atsumu stopped in the middle of the kitchen, staring at Kiyoomi with a look of disbelief as he rested a hand on his waist. 

"You are the worst liar I have ever met." 

"I'm not lying," - he defended himself. - "Osamu-san should really hire you."

Atsumu laughed, the sound echoing through the kitchen. He was beautiful like that. Wearing Kiyoomi's sweatshirt, with messy hair, his eyes curving into small moons. 

A wave of insecurity invaded Sakusa's body and he looked away at the sink, gripping the edge tightly. 

"I don't want you to walk away." 

"Hm?" - Atsumu looked over his shoulder, putting the last plate back in the cupboard. 

"Sometimes I feel insecure." - he confessed. 

"About what?" 

"About me." - he said without being able to look into Atsumu's eyes. - "My appearance." 

_I don't think I'm good enough for you, that you deserve someone better. And I'm afraid my paranoia will drive you away._ He thought, but chose not to speak. 

"I know you love me." - he continued. - "But what if one day you wake up and realize that I am no longer perfect for you?" 

Atsumu watched him in silence. Sakusa was sure that his gaze could see through his soul, he felt vulnerable but was not uncomfortable. Atsumu sighed, approaching him and holding his hands. 

“Listen, there's this guy that I remember my high school teacher talking about. I think his name was Plato. He said that we love to feel complete, but I don't like that concept very much. - he explained serenely - I don't think love is about finding your perfect half. I believe it is almost the opposite, ya know? It is being able to understand that a person has flaws, insecurities and yet be willing to try again, to support, and to be patient. - Atsumu raised his hands, welcoming Sakusa's face between them. - You don't have to be perfect for me, Kiyoomi. And I don't want you to be. I love every single part of you for the simple fact that it's you.” 

Sakusa blinked a few times, absorbing Atsumu's words. His golden eyes seemed brighter than the sun at that moment and hearing those words somehow made him feel lighter, more peaceful, grateful. 

He remembered an article he had read once. In it, the author told how she fell in love with the guidance of 36 questions developed by a psychologist for an experiment on intimacy. As the questions evolved, they became more and more personal. The central idea of the study was to show that mutual vulnerability promotes closeness.

But the point is, falling in love is very simple. It can be "fabricated" through a test. However, falling in love is not the same as staying in love. Every day you wake up and make the choice to stay with someone, uncertain whether that person will make the same decision. Some people are easier to love than others, boundaries are shaped, sacrifices are made, and the end result is not always rewarding. 

Sometimes things go wrong, fights happen, words are said and again, a choice needs to be made. But unlike passion, love does not come and go so easily. 

Atsumu was right, loving is about understanding a person's imperfections and yet decide to stay with them. Loving is also a silent journey home, breakfast in bed, conversation in the bathroom, hugs under a blanket on a rainy day, delicate kisses on the tip of the nose. That day, Atsumu woke up and chose to love him, Kiyoomi was grateful to be able to love him back.

**Author's Note:**

> Love is too complicated and I don't have much property to talk about it, but here we are.
> 
> My twitter is @alextmia if you want to interact!


End file.
